Sunday, October 07, 2007,
gloog gurgle and gulp at 1:40:00 AM
out it comes
we become what we are through the choices we make.
im not sure of what i would become living my life with you.
i realised that im stronger without you.
Or perhaps because i dont rely so much on you as i do when im with you.
thats how much i trust u.
thats how much of bricks i have to kick down from my wall for you.
i lose my stranglehold over my emotions when im with you.
i was never easily embarrassed. or angered. or feared. or cared.
now, i do care. and fear. and try too hard not to pretend.
i never panicked. being boringly cool-headed.
laughing at all the wrong times.
thinking someone getting dengue fever is cool instead of caring.
thinking being in prison would be interesting.
thinking that no one bothers about whether you get enough sleep in a day or not.
thinking that everyone is too caught up in their own life.
in fact, everyone is. living their own life.
i pitied myself when u apologise. i really do.
and u always knew when to say it.
hearing those words makes me weep.
i feel so wrong.
and messed up.
