gloog gurgle and gulp at 5:09:00 PM

you asked about what i think about all the time.
i said i wonder about what you think about all the time.
worry. wondering. questionings.
but still there is no answer.

maybe there were answers. but unfortunately nothing we want to accept or believe.
arguing about not being honest enough.
but seriously, don't you think some things are best kept as secrets?

you never answered my questions. but neither did i to yours.
you asked me things i couldn't bring myself to answer to.
you gave me answers that makes dogs chase their tails.

and we both agree we are being silly.
we confine ourselves to our boundaries and expect others to step out of theirs.
i put myself on guard and close an eye every so once in awhile to relax.
you put up that fence, except for days when you are tired.
yes. we are both silly.
very silly indeed.
our brave upfront of our own hidden fears.

in truth we are blackmailing each other.
emotional blackmail.

when will we stop?
do we even want to stop?


isn’t it better to say nothing when you have nothing to say?

is it possible that you have so much to say that you just don’t know where to start from so you say nothing?

is it possible that saying anything is not going to make any difference to anything so it is better to say nothing?

is it possible that whatever you are going to say has been said many times before so you say nothing?

is it possible that all you want to say has been heard without saying so you say nothing?

is it possible that all you ever wanted to say was what you couldn't bring yourself to say so you say nothing?

is it possible that whatever you say may be misinterpreted and misunderstood so you would rather say nothing?

is it possible that you think i already know what you have been trying to say so you say nothing?

is any of these and all of these correct?
over time and now you have learnt the lesson of saying nothing.
so have i.

you say everything you want to say by saying nothing.
on purpose? or by choice?
or is all this for your own comfort? denial of your self deceit?

If you do not understand my words,
You will not understand my silence.

boy, you have not even seen my words.



national day was lovely.
first it was Suki Sushi with Wei Sheng at Lot1.
then i introduced my 'secret garden' to three people in denial of a nice hang-out place at Suntec City.
their ignorance gives Singapore a bigger outlook.

the boys are training something new later. i hope no accidents happen.

maybe there should be. it makes my life more interesting.

im feeling selfish.